My two children like each other. My oldest does an excellent job watching out for her little brother. I often hear her inviting him to join her on some adventure or another. My youngest is constantly seeking advice and approval from his big sister. He really likes to be involved with what she is doing. My two children really truly like each other...until they don't.
My two children fight like cats. They yell and push, then they sass and cry. Little brother is great at pushing big sister's buttons. He is stubborn and will not listen to "no." He is the one who likes to do the pushing or pouncing, or even just sticking his feet on her to annoy. (This is very reminiscent of my relationship with my own brother when we were younger.) She likes to yell, take things away and then close doors in his face. (Which he has not yet learned how to open.)
I know that siblings fight, but they seem to be having more tough days then good lately. I sat down the other day to reflect on what has been going on in our life lately that may be contributing to their sense of unrest. I realized that our life has been a bit out of sorts and unpredictable for the last 6 months.
It began with a lovely family vacation in September. Then October and November were back to back months of family visiting. I also started a very large and laborious sewing contract mid November. The beginning of December was our own trip for an early Christmas with family, then three days after returning my mother became unexpectedly and severely unwell. She was in the hospital until the new year and I spent that time running from the hospital to her home, to my home, trying to take care of her, my children, her pets and my sewing contract. (this was the worst time for my kids.) In the new year my mother moved in with us to continue her recovery. Through the Lord's blessing and my mother's own strength and determination. She was finally able to move back to her home. (I joked with her that she must feel like a kid finally moving out on her own.) Also my husband has been taking on more responsibilities at work. All of these events of the past six months have been lovely or necessary in their own right, but I think they have created an instability in my babies. Unfortunately the next three months look just as upended. There are birthday parties and more visits from family and holidays. It is looking like all good things, but the unrest these, out of routine events cause is far reaching and long lasting. I know that life is filled with out of routine moments. The problem is my poor kids have not been allowed the needed rest and recovery that usually comes between those special or unexpected moments.
They of course do not consciously know that they are fighting more, whining more, crying more and feeling adrift. I on the other hand do. I know that their behavior is not just normal child development and the guilt of it is eating me up. I feel like I am failing them. I am suppose to be their guide and safety. Teaching them how to weather or enjoy the unexpectedness of life. How to have patience and provide care for each other when everything goes a little upside down. Every time they fight right now it is a immediate reminder of my own limitations. It is like daggers to my heart.
So for now each day is baby steps of providing stability and routine for the kids. I feel like the next three months is as much a time of survival as it is a time for celebrations. Come June though I am closing the doors and shuttering the windows, metaphorically of course. It will be a time to regroup as a family, a chance to rediscover our rhythm. To be in charge of our own schedule. I am not so foolish as to believe that there will not be unplanned moments, that is life after all. I just think that if we are a little more aware of our desires as a family and making sure we plan time for recovery that we will be able to face the unexpected with unity and strength.
My two children love each other, better than that my two children like each other. In the future though when they fight I want it to be normal childhood development stuff and not out of worry, fear and confusion because things have gone sideways in their family life.
Many blessings to you this fine thought-filled day.--Kate
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